Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
