It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
