I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
tell me about the fingering
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