Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
