I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
