Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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