shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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