why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
