Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize