based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
