he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
