I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
