if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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