lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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