'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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