Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
