Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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