Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
