Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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