Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
