you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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