when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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