Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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