What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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