I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
