can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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