Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
