you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She bit a glass in half.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
