I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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