i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
