I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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