Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Your cock deserves a montage
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
