Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
