I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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