Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
