I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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