insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
