I can't breathe out the right side of my face
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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