At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize