ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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