Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize