Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
