My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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