Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
