For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
