I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
