Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize