I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
