I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize