If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
