I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Help me help you realize you are a moron
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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