my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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