you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
