2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You made out with two different species that night
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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