Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
