Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
