you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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