so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
