ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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