Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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