You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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