i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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