All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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