It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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