Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
