I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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