She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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