what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
birth control should be required to get into college
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
