i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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