Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
