sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize