My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
