Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize