just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
