Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
