take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
