dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
