I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
