Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just found puke in my bra..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
