i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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