Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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