you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
