everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
