you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
