Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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