well I can't set my house on fire every night
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize