I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
