just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She bit a glass in half.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
