so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
