Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize