I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
