i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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