So drunk its hurt
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
