Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
