We're like a lot better than the average bears
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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