Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
