that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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