No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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