stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
