final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
