I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
