Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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