can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize