The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
