I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
