to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
