I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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