i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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