He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
