He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
