wrigley field is MILF paradise
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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