She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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